08 July 2010

Deflated

.


D
ear God-Blessed Box,



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Sometimes
, I'm lost at how to document you ...

Like today. The weather is unusually good ( read : hot ) despite the monsoon we're having. The Lavenders smell incredible. And cute Kermit has come to stay with us again.


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Besides a nasty sore throat, sleepless nights are still bearable... I mean if I can't give thanks or praise from the inner soul, I don't want to end up sounding ungrateful, or pass this negative energy to anyone who didn't drop by for it.



But many a time, I yearn for a personal space to let it out.


Especially when disappointment, betrayal, or let down gets too large to go unnoticeable... If effort is meant to fall like dominoes after all, I wish I haven't tried so hard in the first place.


Why should I let him? WHY do I let him??


Ultimately, the problem lies in me?
The problem lies in me letting him, right?


...



Can I just fly away and let things be?


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Tell me that I'm not alone. Tell me that I'm not the only one who tidies up real life messes because the responsible person is not owning them. Then maybe I'll pick myself up, move on and force myself over the hurdles which shouldn't be there in the first place...



Sometimes I find myself surrender to fantasies
- I wish I'm more like a scatterbrained, an idler, some kinda unmindful, anything but rational! I wish I could at any time just lounge back and say, ' Oh well... ' , pretend that nothing happened, and w.a.t.c.h. setbacks form a tidy mount without battling an eyelid!



But before I could entertain the thought for a quarter second, every fibre in me will start screaming that things get collected in place, damage mitigated at once, do something right away, and make things happen! I'm reminded again that I'm not designed like that!



God, if you haven't let things happen to defeat me, ENABLE me.


The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Pslam 18:2



This one is for the deflated, and hope we all get better soon enough for weekend precious.



6 comments:

shoppingmum said...

Ah...i love your photos. :)

J.H said...

oh my, how wonderful :-)
Too bad summer appear to ended here Stardust. But I am glad it's still pretty nice (read:hot) there.

Maggie and Mitch said...

Mom has tided up more messes than you can imagine! That's what being married 37 years is all about. It's not always fun but it works.
We are sending you thoughts of strength, Stardust!
Love, love, love your photos!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

stay-at-home mum said...

{{HUGS}} you are there for a reason, and you are loved for being just the way you are. You have been "my rock" at times, lifting me with when I am down and giving encouragement when I need it. AND you are a GREAT (blogger) friend!
Hope you have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

BIG HUGS for you my dear, I hope you're feeling better. Sorry I'm late with my hugs, we're in S'pore now and I've just started to access the net again!

Thanks for still staying positive and looking up to God for strength thru' the more trying days and moments. I know the ups annd downs and highs and lows, and I tear my hair out over my differences with my better half. But guess opposites attract, and believe it or not, we're still learning to communicate better with each other after these years! Writing/talking it out helps me, and I'm here to listen to what you have to say, yah.I love that snapping pictures and blogging about them gives you the creative outlet too, and especially enjoy your lovely shots of mother nature that we easily take for granted. Our God is so creative, He's omnipotent/all-encompassing, all-knowing, He has us, you and me and all that matters to us written on His palm! He loves us so very much, you're loved, my dear Stardust, and I'm also sending you my love and more hugs right now...

Take care, ok. I'll be visiting till month-end, and if your timing coincides, do let me know and we can meet up! I'll love to do that!

BP

Helena said...

What a gorgeous froggy. He made me smile :) thank you for that. Such a wonderful photo.

I'm sorry in advance, if what I wrote on my blog today is offensive to you. I don't mean to upset people who have faith, just to be honest about where I am.