14 January 2012

Where are you?

.


I
don't know how time passes so quickly ever since my return from Singapore...



I'm pretty pleased with how I'm clearing stuffs even before my wrist is healed to a comfortable stage. Sadly, it's a reality too that there are aspects left to neglect.


Like the blog... You know, the cub is the one and only I may ever have my lifetime. So for every milestone reached or wonder he showed me, I've made mental notes to post them but failed to do so.


I've received presents and cards sent by kind folks all the way from Singapore, England, Taiwan and Australia, but I haven't take time to thank one by one though I wish I've done so. Why haven't I? Really!!!


Maybe I need an hour, just an hour that allows me to catch some sleep, finish the chores, catch up with friends, clear my mailbox. But where do I find that hour? I'm interupted 3 times when writting this.


If money can't buy me time, fine. How about some human-use battery? The kind that makes one go on and on and on like the Energiser Bunny.


Something very undesirable happened... I think I may have lost one, or even more miserably; two long time friends... Friends for almost 20 years. Just like that. With a snap of the finger. Boom! She's gone.


I swear I do not know the reason behind her vanishing without a word, and for the first few hours I was worried if something has happened to her. But you know, a cold shoulder isn't too hard to detect, the chill reaches me despite the distance.


It's not like we had a fight or anything close, our last words were we're dying to meet each other. It's not like someone bitched behind me and things got marred. It's not about a broken promise, a lie, or betrayal. A little voice tells me that I'll never know the reason my lifetime.


But I respect her decision to throw our 20 years away though it hurts with every heartbeat. I admit that I couldn't even make time to poke her. Maybe she felt neglected. Maybe...


Where you are, A? Give me a word, I just want to know that you're alright, nothing else matters. I won't even ask why. :(




*****



I'd like to leave a word for all blogger friends who are staying around with your encouragement. Things are inevitably tight for an imperfect person who's trying to put things right... You know I'll come back to you.






5 comments:

Maggie and Mitch said...

The Cub is only a baby once in his life. Enjoy all of those precious moments, Stardust!
We hope A contacts you!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

stay-at-home mum said...

People's priorities change over time. take your time. Hour by hour, day by day, year, by year. I will be here cheering you on, tho I may go MIA sometimes, but rest assured, I will come back to check you up. Hope your clearing isnt hurting the wrist too much. Take care, dear friend.

bp said...

Hey don't be too hard on yourself, ok, you're doing a really terrific job being wife, mom, friend, and loved one to all who love you and we are truly blessed with you in our lives! No one is perfect, only God is. I'm far far far from being caught up with the things to do, not with one child or three kids now. And it's perfectly ok ;). And it's ok too to let the laundry and plates and dust pile up, to go chill a little -- to keep sane! That's important, ya.

Remember my dear, you're the child of God, rest in His grace, and steal whatever rest you can catch... one day at a time, ok. Feel His love and joy daily, be continually blessed! Grow Cubs grow, I know he must have your hands full, but am sure he is also growing, growing so very beautifully! Jiayou and HUGSSS!!!

Feronia said...

It's hard when people decide to just 'opt out' of your life. It happened to me 21 years ago and I still don't know the reason why. All I guess you can do is be all the friend you can be and accept that for some, that's not enough. I'm still working on that one myself!

Helena said...

I managed to get in touch with an old school friend via Friends ReUnited a few years ago. I was over the moon, so happy to hear from her. It had been 20 years since we had been in touch. She wanted to catch up, meet up. She told me all her news. Asked for mine. I told her everything. Including the bit about me having bi-polar now.... and then nothing from her, no contact, she droppped me.

I regretted being honest, berated myself. I shouldn't have told her. Too much to handle, perhaps. Then again, if we were to have a friendship again, she'd have had to have known sometime.

But oh it hurts so. I still wish I hadn't told her.

It is very hard when you want to extend friendship and it isn't returned.

Someone else, a school friend I HAD stayed in touch with, suddenly stopped writing back to me. Not even a Christmas card. I still don't know why.

All I can do is wish them well in my heart. I preserve in my mind and heart a good opinion of them both. If anyone were to ask me about them I would speak well of them.

I regard it as a loss to me that they are not in my life, but I wish them well and try to let it go. Keep the door open for them.

As for people on the blogs, hey don't worry. We all go through periods when don't blog or blog-hop, either becuase we need a break or because circumstances make us take one!

People will understand, at least, the ones who matter most will. I am a poor blogger these days. I miss some of the regular visitors I used to get. But I still have some that come by. They have stood the test of my irregularity! :)

You sound down. I know what lack of time is like!!!! Caring for the cub and caring for my mum must have lots on common!

I take photo's and mean to blog but can't get round to it. SO TIRED most of the time. Or, like today, I DID have time, but I also had a bad back and a migraine so the last thing I needed was to bend down to a computer screen!!!

Take your photo's and keep them for yourself though. If digital, get a digital scrapbook program and start moving them into there- with decoration and notes, so you can keep track or the cub's progress and look back and enjoy :)

Your cyberlife is second to your 3D life. We get that. You will always be welcome around. No time away will ever mean you cannot come back to my inbox. You are treasured by many and I'm sure they would all say the same.

Hugs and cake and tea and purrs from Mr Scooter.