I remember

I remember a year ago...

For the past 2 days, my tailbone fractured for a long time started to hurt.  I was spotting too. They say if the baby is coming your gut knows it, but I dismissed it thinking it was just the nerves.  And boy was I nervous on the 3rd day when I woke up bleeding, and Bear rushed us to the hospital.

The cub took his time to arrive some 30 hours later. :)

 

I watched him napping this afternoon, was he actually asleep like this in my tummy a year ago?  Did I really compact this little creature within?  Was he aware of his surrounding, did he know that he's meant to leave the womb one day? I mean everything still feels surreal to me!

 I examined him over and over... the toes I've kissed countless times, the contour of his body, his features that still resemble the newborn days.  He suckles, twitches and still grins in his sleep like everyday.

 Oh Lord, I love this beautiful baby of mine.  And you know how vulnerable I feel just to say it.

While you were... (III)

We waved bye ( yes, you were waving already ) to your 9th month packed with mysteries. You could pinch and grasp very well but you just couldn't pick up food and ended up crushing them.  Though it was hilarious watching you, we've decided you stop practicing with food.

 

You stopped calling us and the last time we heard you was on the day you turned 9 months.  Mysteriously, you started calling us again on the day you turned 10 months.

On the same day, you've decided that it's time to cruise along the sofa with the cutest wobble, and babe we were so impressed!

Then you wanted to push the walker, slap the tv, hang your arms on the gate, enjoy the new height you can reach.   You didn't care, cos you knew I was only pretending to be angry.

When Spring came, off we went to see the blooms.  To have a baby in my arms in my favorite season, that's something I could only imagine in the past.  You've made me a very very happy mama. :)

But I'm sorry for not being fast enough to grab the rape blossom you've popped into your mouth.  We got everything single bit out nevertheless.

 

 We celebrated Children's Day with lotsa goodies and blessings from people around us.  You've made papa's parents very very proud.

I got the the biggest shock on the day you turned 11 months.  I was busy in the kitchen and when I turned around to check you out, this is what I saw.  HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE WALKER ON YOUR OWN?  How did you do that without making a sound, get a foot stuck somewhere, or land with a thud.. HOW?

 You love clapping with those kids on tv, and enjoy the weather forecast that screens later.  In fact, the weather forecast is your favorite program next to sesame street.

Daddy agreed that you sound like German, or French with those words we could never make out.  Did you get them from Big Bird or Kermit?

But I think I know your 'DA!' means 'da-me', 'no' in Japanese, and you like to repeat it after me. 

 

Sometimes, you are so engrossed with your toy  you've forgotten that you're standing hands free.  Then you'll squat down slow with caution, and give me that ' not knowing why you're making me laugh ' face.  It's ok if you can't stand on your own yet baby, let's go slow.

Cos before we know it, you'll be doing much on your own, like helping yourself on the snack, and forsaking your baby instincts ~ what made memories of the helpless you I'm keeping safe in my heart till it stops beating...

Dad and I agree that you've lost so much baby fat this month, like you can't wait to look like a 1 year old.

While you were... (II)

8 months in the coldest of winter...

You warmed my days by being your cute self, and mom's momentum was recovering just in time to enjoy you. 

 

 Every meal time was full of fun though I never understood why you put on so little weight despite that much you ate. 

 

 Right, you even ate bits of the paper written with lyrics of 'Rubber Duckie', the song I sang you at bath everyday.

When your bod was almost busting the stitches, we were hoping that your clothing would last you through the cold season.

You who never liked napping, and never associated napping with daddy, actually fell asleep in his arms one evening. :)　

You were amused every time you saw me appearing out of nowhere.  You still do. :)

 You had your first hair cut at 9 months.  Ask me where your snipped ends are.

 

 

Dad insisted we go see the first blooms though it was still cold.  So know that Adonis was the first flower you've touched.

You couldn't look more like yourself in this coat, my cute little cub.

 I swelled with pride for everywhere we went people would tell me how adorable you are.

Because it was so unusual of you to get cranky, I was telling daddy I found it insanely cute whenever you got mad.

You couldn't stand crawling anymore and started pulling yourself up by the sofa.  We loved how you'd stick out your bottom while doing so.

You were the darling we could never get sick of...

Unfortunately, you fell ill in your 9th month, and since then your beautiful left eyelid disappeared and it's been 2 months already.

When it's back, I'm so going to post a celebration on it, I promise.  Know that daddy and I are missing your eyelid like crazy...

While you were ...

To : パンコ

In case you care to read mama's blog one day, I thought I should let you know...

In December 2011, we returned to Japan from Singapore with a bad cold.  Things were tough with mama's bad wrist but praise God for the wonderful baby in you that made things easy for me.

Days were hard after our return, I was so tired that I could barely talk.  Were you lonely?  I don't know but I often caught you smiling while playing by yourself.

It took 4 days to finally make you accept baby food.  Mama just sat beside you and pretended to enjoy my own plate, and it worked!  And then you turned 6 months...

We got back on time to celebrate your first Christmas with daddy, and New Year of course.  Know that everybody at dad's place adored you, you were the star. 

I was telling daddy on New Year's eve that we ought to capture more of your cute toothless smiles, 2 days later we found your milkies coming out!  It really was a mishmash of feelings dear.  I was delighted at your tiny surprise popping but also sad to know that you're growing less a baby.

You loved the curtain didn't you.   And of course, I could do the laundry effortlessly even with you around, no brainer; because you enjoyed watching me work.

I held my breath when you started wiggling on the floor and pushing your limbs.  It was funny to watch you grunting and trying so hard only to move very little.

We made you a snow bear the day you turned 7 months.

 

 You were one baby who really liked it cold.  I remember that you were cranky in Singapore everyday!

 It was Chinese New Year that day and for the first time I gave out an ang pow as a mom. :D

When you refused to nap on 31st Jan, we played as I placed you on my body and you fell asleep in my bosom.  And this is how we've kickstarted your 'koala habit'.

Your walker was the in thing then.  You loved speeding with arms raised 90 degrees and chin forward. 

And when you could really do tummy crawling, that was when I started mopping the floor every night after you went to bed.

Then as your radius of exploration started expanding, I had to make use of your dreaded toy to stop you from entering the kitchen.  You were so cute to be that spooked and it was hilarious to watch you retreat.  Hahahaha...

You could sit by 7 months, and started eating self-made baby food greedily.  You really really loved apple.

Did I tell you that you were one talkative baby and you often chuckled at nothing. You could go 'mamamamamama~' just 2 days after I've taught you 'mama'.  



And of course, you could never stop flirting with strangers.

Missing my boy

I've received quite a few delightful news from friends this year.  They've got a new baby!  All pink and wrinkled and soft and sleepy newborns smelling like milk.


 

And every baby's popping only makes me miss my boy, his earlier months ~ while his neck must be held to be burped, his poo runny, he was resistless during changing of clothes and diaper, the satisfied look on his face after nursing and that noisy smack on his lips, toothless smiles...

There are endless memories of my precious that have turned a little foggy by now and I regret having stopped blogging about him since 2012 started, mostly because I needed time for chores.  First things first you know.


 

And my mind's telling me now the first thing to do is to preserve the memories before they fade completely... 

The cub is turning 1 in a couple of weeks.  Can you believe it?  I wish someone had keep nagging me from the start about how quickly he'll grow up.

That's why I keep telling friends who've just got their newborn. Haha.

Rounding up May

Friends who have been here long enough know that May is a very special month for us.

8 years

We had our bronze wedding anniversary 1st May, though we didn't arrive at the day like how people thought we would, in fact, the past year is one we've been most tested.  Some said the 3rd person triggered it all - the innocent baby.  I think it's more like we had our honeymoon 7 years too long, and mature too little. But it's ok.  We'll grow, alongside with the baby.

37 years old

I've turned 3 years shy of Chapter 40, though I feel like 25, reason like 28, move like 39 and look like 44. My birthday wish is being pain-free forevermore.   Last year was a tough one for me.  To name the majors : I went through 22 hours of contraction.  Endured 3 months of painfully damaged tendon.  Had a surgery on my left wrist and still working on the stiffness.  3 days before my birthday, I fell and fractured the forefinger on the right, which should take another month to heal.  Rejoice with me, for I guess my mid-life crisis is over!!.  I'm so looking forward to my wholesome self again.

Children's Day

5th May is Children's Day in Japan.  The cub had his many firsts.  First balloon, first snack gift, first origami paper.  Being a parent is great!  I felt like a child again when receiving the goodies on his behalf.

And our spirits soared as we raised the carp streamer at home to celebrate the day the traditional way.

Bear's birthday

I wish I could make his favorite dishes like I always did, but not with my finger swollen like a smooth sausage. He can have my finger.  

Mother's Day

I never thought Mother's Day could become a special day for myself.

For the longest time I couldn't understand why I should be born a girl and all that bitterness just ate me alive.  But now, I've finally reconciled with myself.  I'm a brand new person with a purpose and a vision.  Being a woman finally feels wonderful, I wouldn't have known this self worth until I have my child.

Mothers are thanked on this day.  But really, I think I have my baby to thank for giving me such a great start in life.  Wow.

11 months

In Japan, babies under one are considered 零才 : zero years old.  How cute is that?  Sadly, this is the final month my cub stays 零才. Why should time pass so quickly when babies are so so cute.

And why should beautiful May be over so quickly. 

May I never forget that it was God's grace that made everything beautiful. :)

On blogging

Ahh... Spring.. my favorite season.  I can't tell you how much I love it even without having it whole.  

 

 I am bursting with memories to blog about but at this point of time, blogging looks more like a pile of files to clear.   Yet I know that blogging the memories count for if there comes a day I'm grey or able to idle again, the blog will be ripe and good to read.

So I'll try.  For my own sake.  Me, myself and I.

Recalling the earlier blogging years.. I used to avoid parenting blogs and mommys' blogs as I couldn't find a relevance in their lives, much less leave a sensible comment.  As for those mommies I'm keeping up with, they are precious friends I've made thanks to blogging.  

The way I see how I'll blog from now, it's going to be the kind of blog I used to shun, writting mostly about the cub, the cub and the cub.  It will send any carefree soul away, or even cure an insomnia... hahaha.

But he matters to me, I'm all about him now.

It's only natural that people go.  But thank you for if you're still staying around and asking how we're doing.   

To everything there is a season, I'm glad it's my time to be a mom. :)