Blooming this June

We're basking in a comfortable June with a mild monsoon, that rains an amount just alright for the greenery outside without having me to water the fellas. :)


Come see the Japanese Snowbell, definitely my fav tree at home. :D Dainty soft pink bells are exactly how I've hoped they're like, and the blooms have lasted for the past 12 days.






It's such a delight to watch by day, and quite another glamorous sight by night when the tree is lit up.






And meet my first pot of French rose, I just adore the color and fragrance! Now I'm just hoping to keep it well and alive for it is my first rose from Bear, and I wouldn't want it to perish like the first Hydrangea pot from my darling!









Greenery sedates me anytime!


And it's one of the many I thank the Lord for ~ this comfy season I'm in for my present stage, the perfect timing of everything. Nothing's weighing on me now though I am weighing the heaviest all my life. It's the lightness of the spirit that makes me feel like a dove. I'm just thankful for all who cares about us.


I'm sorta laying back and waiting around for things to happen anytime now. The bag is ready to grab and go, and I'm having an inner peace inside though I'm obviously a ticking bomb. A lil peculiar here... my tummy is getting increasingly heavier and bigger over the past week at a rate I've never felt before. Could Breadcrumbs be having a growth spurt?



I don't know but the 2908 grams fella at 38 weeks was really good at amusing us with a scan yesterday. He had a finger inserted into his right nostril, rubbed his eye with a fist, and his lips were moving like a goldfish.


And, he smiled again. :)







Dr had his side view features lined for a clearer picture. Now Breadcrumbs is getting us confused - how is that he resembles me more at the front view, but looking more like Bear from the side? Hmm... Well, we'll find out in a while! :D

At 37 weeks

Poor mother elephant. It takes about 22 months for an unborn elephant to mature to birth. The shark known as the spiny dogfish has a pregnancy duration of 22-24 months. And at elevations above 4600 feet, the Alpine salamander endures a gestational period of up to 38 months!



Most of my lady friends claim that they can't wait to give birth as soon as they're reaching full term. I'm guessing some may call me a hypocrite if I say I don't, mostly because I'm not feeling particularly uncomfortable at this supposedly heaviest stage.



Breadcrumbs is considered full term today! But I'm choked with emotions when I realise that my kangeroo role is completing anytime soon. No doubt we're anticipating how the fella shall amaze us at birth, and reveals if he has curls like Bear's as I'm hoping, or my eyes like Bear is wishing...



I'm going to miss every single movement Breadcrumbs makes. His kicks, scratches, somersaults and pitiful hiccups. It's a private, secretive intimacy that only the mother and child shares. I remember having a hard time stifling a laugh when he bobbed like crazy while I was trying to pay attention to a stern doc. During the period when I had to be screwed again and again, little Breadcrumbs gave the most timely nudges as if to console me, 'Mommy, be strong!'. Until when I'm finally able to catch him under my thinner layer of clothes, when he moves, he moves my heart.



This experience is surely one of the most joyful in my life I'll remember. For now, I'm cherishing every single tap until the day Breadcrumbs makes his appearance.





And I know life will keep on amazing us. This day next year, I'll get to admire the Japanese snowbells outside with the fella in my arms.

Sprint

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Giving our full throttle towards the finishing line, while moving into monsoon and juggling with Bear's still hectic working days... We're trying to make our twosome moments count as we count down to baby's arrival which can happen anytime now!



It's a mish mash of feelings. You know the honeymoon is going to be over but a greater adventure awaits at the other end of the bridge.













We've started sleeping in the guest room from last week to avoid using the stairs as much as possible. Which is good unless one likes the bed like how I love mine too too much! I can't sleep very well on mattress and getting up from ground level tatami spins my head like crazy. Guess I'll have to put up with it for several weeks until the confinement is over.



We're finally done with some last couple shots over the weekend! We're so glad we did loosen up a bit, and had some intakes of the balmy early summer since we don't know when we can take off like that again...




I will surely miss the breezy drives with hubby and sitting by rivers, listening to birds or enjoying a cuppa in cafe. I know I shouldn't talk like it's a life sentence I'm serving soon, but there has never been a void even there were just us two. And I'm just so thankful that we've taken enough time...



Anyway, we've discovered a potentially great fishing hangout which we will revisit again when the cub is ready to fish with Papa Bear!










And the fellas may get to meet their cousins because the place is inhabitated by real wild ones!


















LOOK! Could this be left by one of their relatives?







This bear says : I wish you'll understand more about me ( so that I won't end up having to bite your butt! ) :P





















But let me worry about the boys' fishing business later for my present concern is to eat without reservations for the sake of Breadcrumbs. And since I don't see us eating out often in future with the little one tagging along, I do kinda eat like a convict waiting to serve her life sentence soon... :P

A name

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We've almost got everything ready for the arrival of Breadcrumbs, except one.



A name.



A name that reverberates to our hearts fondly, and we'll always remember to call with affection and a smile. That insunates values, encourages a fine character, a name the child will be proud of having...



We're still waiting to be inspired. Maybe, we should wait until we meet Breadcrumbs. Maybe that's when.




Meanwhile, do pray for us that we'll be led by the spirit. :)

For June

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Small

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Breadcrumbs is 36 weeks today.




He weighed 2506 grams yesterday while an average should read 2622 grams. Yes I know, he is like an insignificant 5% lighter, but did I mention he used to be 2 weeks heavier all along until a fortnight ago? I've finally understood why some moms are upset over their 'smaller' kid, while I thought their worry is unfounded if the child is totally healthy. I think I'm getting it now.



But I wouldn't use the word on Breadcrumbs - small. For he could be smaller than how the scanner has measured him. He could be even smaller than the rightful figures by the time he arrives. But so what if he's small. His size doesn't represent what I am capable of or what's short of me. It's pointless to judge. You have no idea how big he is to me.



If there should be anyone small, it's me. It's the weakling in me who cowers at the slightest threat, surrenders to pressure, recoils at hindrance, and owns mistakes which are not mine. When things go bad, I'll look just as bad, because I'm the one bad. I get the biggest slice of blame for everything, it's so easy to associate me with every shit that happens. Because I will never talk back, and you can spin whatever stories behind and you think nobody will know.




Yes. I'm small. Because you've damned me this small. I'm 36, but I'm terrorised like a 5 year old over and over again. Quite simply, am I not nurtured this mentally small and weak, so that you can play big and powerful.




But a closure will come. Those baggages you've fastened on my soul, God will break the hot shackles and help me move on. If there's really a thing like a curse, let it end with me, for I think I've paid and pained enough. With the birth of my own child, I want a rebirth within myself. I want to and I will find my own footing in parenthood. It may be a formula unbeknownst to me, but you can dream on if you think I'll be left to use excruciation that you've been excercising on me so conveniently. My child doesn't deserve it. In the first place, nobody deserves it.




I want to defy the word 'small'. Or I'd like to show you that the microscopic me can make it to the shore that you've been detering me from, because you've never made it there yourself. Make me small, YES! you can shatter my legs but you can never break me. Like it or not, I will grow bigger, stronger, for my child. It will never be like what's between us.