One

To my baby who have turned one,

I knew I'd love you when I found out about you.  

During the earlier half of pregnancy, on bad days I would vomit up to 18 times in bile, blood and tears.  It was hard but when I felt you fluttering by 13 weeks, baby you got me going on.

I loved the feeling of having you within me so much, I kept telling people I'd like to be pregnant for a little longer.

To have you means I went through labor, what meant lake of fire, gnashes and teeth to me from the age I understood women are designed to give life.  God is good, He was there all the time but know that I chose to go through hell just to have you. Epidural free.

I didn't cry, scream or utter a single complaint not because I was strong, but the thought of you going through the trauma of birth had me cast into iron.

I will never forget the way you looked first time I laid eyes on you.  Your twinkling bright eyes, cherry red chips... everywhere rounded and translucent pink.  You were so blindingly beautiful.

I admit that I was scared when we took you home, as I've heard too much stories of ladies who couldn't handle their babies.  Have you learned that from the start?  Is that why you've been kind to us all along?

I didn't get Tendonitis because of you.  But I must thank you for making it worse so that I could get it fixed for the rest of my lifetime.  God had the healing paved that way.

I've lost count of how times I've been hurt latching you, but nursing makes me feel beautiful. Forgive me though for always looking away cos whenever our eyes lock, you'll unlatch yourself, grin and start pouring milk out from your lips.  Your innocent milky grin. 

Thank you for weaning off the 5a.m. feed by yourself at 8 months.  Mommy was determined never to let you cry it out though I would love to sleep through the night like anybody else.

I miss you in this winter coat

I recall nursing you during those wintery nights, your poor ice cold hands.  I enclosed one within my fist while you cutely placed the other on the boob for warmth.  It was the sight that urged the let-down reflex and we started looking like 2 red hot bodies glowing in the dark.

I miss you in your winter coat.  You, a meatloaf in that fuzzy coat with 2 cute ears, were eye-catching wherever we went.

Because of you, this crazy picture with the background mess I can't be proud of, makes me smile. 

Find your lovey here.  It's pink.

It's ok to have a lovey or two, take my blankee too.  Thank you for making me the queen of your heart, for now.

Keep coming over to our bed in the morning morning and sleep all over us or fart in our faces.  I love the feel on your feet on my face.  But sleep baby, please sleep and we'll play later.

I thanked papa today, for all that he's done.  I realize that I've been thanking everybody around me except him.  He's the man who shared the seed and fathers my precious.  I can't imagine if you would look this perfect if I have you with another guy.

Know that I love papa very much too.

 

 Though there were times that were undeniably tough, I'll go through everything again just to have you.

For I love you.  And I love you so much, it hurts.

 Even on days you were less an angel, I loved you no less.

Mommy is a happy person now, not that one I used to know.   I can smile like a fool at the lyrics of 'What a wonderful world'  I wonder if I've really lived before I met you.

 

Thank you for being my child, the biggest miracle of my life.  Stay healthy, happy.  Stay you.  Keep surprising me and teaching me faith.

And never forget we didn't connect by chance.  It's a string of work and plans with great intent by God our Creator, the Giver of all good things.




Lord I've done nothing to deserve such great blessing, one that surpasses my dream.  But bless me no less from here, help me raise this child for Your glory, and keep him in Your enormous grace.  Amen.